so i’ve been chasing the high the past couple of weeks, routinely to get somewhere, to reach a place i thought i’d be happy in, and then i chanced upon you. and i now, that i finally mustered up whatever dignity i had to face the disappointment and rejection head on, my white’s flag is up and i surrender, and simultaneously to my fate and i accept it.
also, i realised i’m rather ugly, and yes it’s a strong word, but i miss those days i would look in the mirror and know i looked decent. my complexion is a bumpy graveyard of stress induced by the pure unluckiness in my life, and my jawline is being drowned by packets and packets of chicken rice that i find increasingly hard to resist. nothing i put on seems nice with a face like that and the every photo i take makes me irk. the picture above is the only decent one, and could be said is the best i’ve taken; and yes i do realise i STILL do look like dog faeces that has been trampled on by a hoard of wild obese bulls. to top that off, i’m fat, and heavy, even so that the hospital nurse thought her weighing scale was spoilt. i mean, can’t you just spare me the pain, and just take down my obesity quietly? isn’t really necessary to repeatedly question me whether my weight is really as such and whether it was cause my shoes was heavy. god.
second to that, the visit to the rheuma specialist saw me with probable arthritis tendencies, and that landed me in the blood test lab. it is just natural to wait every single stop in a government hospital and as i waited, i convinced myself that i wouldn’t faint, alike the last time they drew blood at cmpb. so i watched as a man enter a room, the lady scanned his form, and the monitor instructed her to take a valve of blood as reflected by a diagram on the screen. he seemed so cool like it was nothing and soon it was my turn. the lady scanned my form and holy freaking hell, two billion valves appeared and filled the screen. in the state of disbelief, i asked the nurse, are you gonna take like ten valves? then she’s replied so casually, “no la, not so many, only like [and she begins counting] 1….2….3….4….5….6!” and i was like WTF?!!? and proceeded on to express my fear of fainting, and how i really did the last time. and that was that, by the end of the fifth valve i was hyperventilating and so dizzy i couldn’t tell right from left, and i felt nauseous and the lady was shoving mentos down my throat and feeding my milo. what an experience. omgosh, this proceeded on with some xrays and the pharmacy, what a day yesterday.
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okay, i really don’t know how i went on to ramble on about my time in the hospital, but back to life.
